You're a womanizer and a bitch.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
