I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
