Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
