Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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