to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
