i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
