Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
