Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
