Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
