have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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