i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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