it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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