she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
