oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
