So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
