Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
