so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize