is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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