its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
