We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
