Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
