I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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