He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
