In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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