What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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