i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
