so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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