If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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