so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
