Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize