I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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