his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
