Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
