One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
