I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
