its not stalking. its research.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize