So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
