Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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