Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
