tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
