I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I didn't notice because vodka
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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