Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
