He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
