Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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