batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Acid is not a monday night drug
Swine flu is the new snow day.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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