3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
