just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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