she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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