i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
