I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize