does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
