Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
