My room smells like vodka and shame
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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