Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
