theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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