Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
