the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
