I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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