FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
