Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
