Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
