we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
