Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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