this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
