I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
