I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
