I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
