my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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