I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
