I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He has the fingertips of a God
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