To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
