I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
