so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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