She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
