I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
