Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
false alarm. still invincible.
my shit smells like andre
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
