I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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