Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize