this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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