I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
