True but thats because hes a fetus.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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