She announced her abortion via fbk
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
