His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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