I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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