guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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