god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
