I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
