he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
