so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
