You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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