I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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