what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
