Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
