I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize