My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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